Saturday Afternoon Kaiju: Godzilla vs. Megalon

This week’s movie, Godzilla vs Megalon, is so jam packed with Kaiju goodness, I’m not even sure I can do it justice.

The humans are at it again with the nuclear testing. Will they ever learn? The ground is a shakin’ in Japan and the inhabitants of Monster Island are none too happy. Rodan takes off and that loveable scrub brush, Anguirus, falls into a fissure in the earth. Poor Anguirus. Godzilla is used to this shit, though, and just kinda hangs out.

While the quake is going on, we see a robot enthusiast, his young nephew, and a friend are at the lake enjoying a picnic. Well, they were enjoying it until the kid has to be rescued from the lake. They head back to the lab in their ultra cool dune buggy. When they get there, they find someone has broken into the lab and were trying to steal the robot they had been building. The intruders escape but not before sucker punching the trio. The robot, Jet Jaguar, hasn’t been stolen, though, and the trio take him outside to put it through its paces.

Next, we’re shown a group of people looking like they're ready for “Carrousel”. Their leader (think Tim Conway in a toga) explains they are the people of Seatopia, an undersea kingdom who is tired of all the nuclear testing those damned humans are conducting. They decide they are going to send up a creature to destroy humans because, why not? We’re introduced to Megalon. Now, he kind of a smash up of several things. He has wings and a gaping maw but he also has drills for hands. He can spit hot rocks, too.

It turns out those men trying to steal Jet Jaguar actually work for the Seatopians. They are sent back, once again, to steal the robot. Apparently, they need JJ to lead Megalon in destroying the humans. Megalon has drills for hands but has a poor sense of direction? Anyway, our trio are attacked again. The kid and the friend are loaded into a metal shipping container and taken away to be killed while the inventor is held prisoner.

Eventually, the three heroes are reunited and come up with a plan to get Jet Jaguar back and send him to Monster Island to try to enlist Godzilla’s help in destroying Megalon. Conway of Seatopia is even more pissed off now because he calls on some friends to let him use their creature, Gigan, to help Megalon destroy humanity. What kind of a creature is Gigan, you ask? Hell if I know but he’s got a buzzsaw in his tummy, he has a metal beak, and has metal hooks for hands. Pretty much, he rocks the cock. If you cut Godzilla, does he not bleed?

Jet Jaguar flies over to Monster Island and manages to get Godzilla to come with him just by a series of arm movements. Thankfully, the G-man is a strong swimmer because, unlike JJ, he can’t fly. JJ heads back to Megalon and Gigan and proceeds to get its metallic ass kicked. He is no match for those two. Godzilla finally makes to JJ’s side and an epic battle ensues. It’s like a tag-team match, only better.

For me, this is the best of the Godzilla series. There’s something for just about everyone to like. The Godzilla suit here is my favorite. He’s got that sweet, goofy face, what’s not to love? He likes to open his mouth a lot, kinda like he’s barking. He’s a treat and a half. Also, who doesn’t love Jet Jaguar? Throw in Gigan and Megalon and you’ve got the makings of one awesome movie.

Although this Godzilla seems the most kid-friendly, the events happening in the movie are pretty violent. The kid goes through a lot in this one. There is an actual “theme” song, too. A funky little 70s number that gets reprised through the movie. No one does miniatures the way the Japanese do. Sure, the effects here aren’t the best but then again, they are. Sure, some footage gets reused from a previous Godzilla film but who cares? This is certainly one of the most fun Kaiju films around.

I watched the Japanese version with English subs through Fandor. There is also a MST3K version, as well. No matter how you get it into your eyes, do yourself a favor and watch this one soon. You’ll be glad you did.